Born to Be Mine Read online

  "It doesn't work that way."

  "Ja that's what you told me in the dream too." Charlie lifted her head and stared across the room. "Kalatas left you because you were dying, and all your old memories came back." She pushed her wet hair aside. "I was a complete mess holding you. It was a great dream," she muttered, sarcasm dripping in every word.

  "But a dream," Kal said. "Lennox is a trustworthy advisor."

  "Even if he finds out you've been fucking a human behind his back?" Charlie asked, peering back at Kal's stony features.

  "It is sometimes hard to calculate a person's emotional reaction," Kal admitted aloud. Then she sighed and turned her head toward Charlie. "But I would not jump in front of a gun. It is foolish and safer to jump you."

  Charlie smiled and placed her damp palm against her lover's burning cheek. "My hero." She leaned in and pressed a kiss against Kal's temple. "So whose cabin is this anyway?"

  "It's Dorlon's."

  "Really?" Charlie frowned and shifted in Kal's lap. "I don't remember her ever having a cabin, especially so far from Kardos."

  "It was given to her many years back."

  "Given?"

  "Ja. A dying relative gave it to her. He was a blacksmith, and he built this home."

  Charlie gazed about the cabin, eyeing it with more respect. She imagined that Dorlon's relative had spent much of his effort and coin to build the home. Attached to the stable was a forge with a tall chimney that climbed up toward the trees. "He picked a beautiful place to build it." She considered the cabin's purpose after Dorlon took possession of it. "Do only you and Dorlon know of it?"

  "Ja." Kal twisted around and stretched out her arm to claim a soap and cloth from a small shelf behind them. "In the early days, Dorlon would stay here during her heats. But now she has little time to visit and doesn't go into heats anymore." She held out the soap to Charlie and said, "The water is cooling already."

  Charlie agreed and grabbed the items from Kal. They bathed before the water was too chilly, then toweled off and dressed in fresh clothes. The tub remained filled so they could clean their clothes and let them dry before the return trip to Tarrak. Feeling refreshed, Charlie tried to prepare herself for the pending conversations about their future. Her heartbeat went wild, and her face became flushed. She dug out her hairbrush to distract herself with something rhythmic and noticed Kal was boiling more water.

  "I didn't think Alphas could be so domestic," Charlie said, keeping her tone even in hopes that Kal's Alpha wouldn't react.

  Kal organized two ceramic mugs with kello and kept her back to Charlie. "Dorlon taught me how to cook." She turned and leaned against the counter, her bare arms folded against her chest.

  For a moment, Charlie adored her lover in a black tank top that had a few pinholes in it. She noticed that Kal's black pants were much looser than the standard ones. "I guess fighting and cooking are two life-essential skills." She dragged the brush through her wet hair a few more times, then toyed with it.

  "But there are cooking skills I learned before her." Kal had a distant expression. "Especially with a knife."

  "Maybe something your mother taught you," Charlie said, pointing the brush at the ruler. "There is such a thing as muscle memory if you've done something enough times." She went to the bed where she had placed her saddlebag, then stowed the hairbrush. "I'm going to use the head." She rammed her feet into the boots without tying them. While slinging on the leather jacket, she noted Kal's curious gaze. "Going to the bathroom. It's called a head on a ship."

  Kal chuffed low and turned to the herbal drink.

  Outside, Charlie shivered from the cold day and noticed her breath forming in the air, despite the suns having been up for awhile. "Great." She trudged around the house to the back. When she returned to the cabin, she was happy Kal had started the fire, and she gravitated to it. "I forgot how damn cold it gets here."

  "The ice is coming," Kal said from her spot on the sofa.

  Charlie hummed at the memory of those exact words. She remained beside the fire and warmed up. Raine wanted her to visit New Earth, which was farther north in the Kardos province. She shivered at the idea of going there, knowing they already had snow and ice by now. It was a bad time of the planet's rotation for her to have made a six-nored deal with Raine. Thinking of her promise, she peered over at Kal, who had no idea that Charlie was staying for an extended period.

  Why did I agree to stay on Kander for so many months?

  But staying grounded on Kander with Kal was a pleasant idea. Charlie smiled to herself and studied her lover, who appeared relaxed for the first time since Charlie's arrival at the cabin. It was a good sign that their conversation would go well and that the rut wouldn't taint Kal's mind. Picking up a steaming mug, Charlie sipped from it and wandered over to the sofa to sit next to her lover. Kal sat with her legs spread, mug on her thigh and her full attention on Charlie.

  "I'm not really sure where to start this," Charlie whispered, sighing and rubbing her forehead.

  Dipping her head, Kal said, "I assume you saved Starr."

  "Ja. All of us survived the mission." Charlie drank more kello, then set the mug onto the wooden table. "Starr was a bit banged up but okay. She decided to stay with Magnar for now."

  "You'll be purchasing another ship soon," Kal said.

  "I think so." Charlie leaned her side against the sofa, trying to be comfortable though her chest muscles were taut. "I'm kind of, sort of staying on Kander for the next six noreds." At Kal's curious features, she said, "I made a deal with Raine that if she went on the mission I would stay." She flashed a weak smile and shrugged. "I don't have a clue where I'm staying or what I'll even be doing." Grabbing the mug, she muttered, "Polishing my gun a lot, I guess."

  Kal responded with a strong rumble, then drank from the mug.

  "But something serious came up on the rescue mission." Charlie felt her lover's attention sharpen, and she hated to have to give her the news. "I overheard Victor talking to another soldier. He mentioned the Sworne." She searched Kal's eyes for any hint of reaction to the new information, but Kal remained indifferent. "They were talking about getting a head start before the Sworne arrive."

  Sitting forward, Kal set the mug on the table and released a throaty huff. "Did you learn anything else?"

  Shaking her head, Charlie peered into her mug and pictured a Sworne's nightmarish features from her childhood, but she pushed it back. "Joh." Like Kal, she set aside her drink, losing interest in it. "What's weird, too, is Serrato Corps still has their Sworne starship."

  "Like the Liberator?"

  "Ja. It's called the Borba. They kept it and still use it."

  "For what?"

  "I don't know." Charlie swept loose, damp strands behind her ear.

  Kal was silent, then narrowed her eyes and asked, "Have you heard any news about the Sworne in the galaxy?"

  "Joh." Charlie took a deep breath, trying to calm her heartbeat. "That's what's so strange. I don't know where Serrato Corps is getting their information. If the Sworne were coming or are already here, there'd be chatter all over the Milky Way." She sighed and let her shoulders drop. "I did send a message to Sallarus to see if he's heard anything, but he hasn't responded." It didn't help that Charlie had shut off her techbit's comms after Dorlon instructed her to shut all tech down to ensure Kal's privacy and safety. They'd have to wait until back in the city to see if Sallarus replied.

  "It could be several noreds before the Sworne arrive," Kal said, her voice distant.

  "Or days." Charlie fought a tremble in her body at the idea of the Sworne coming back. "And who knows where they'll show up first. They could be all the way over in the hundred eleventh quadrant of the galaxy and not come here for awhile, if at all." She listened to Kal's low thunder and could only guess what the ruler was thinking when it came to Kander's safety.

  "We don't have enough information," Kal whispered.

  Agreeing, Charlie clenched her lowe
r lip between her teeth and tensed at what other information she had to tell Kal. "There's something else."

  "What?"

  Charlie's skin prickled from the dark tone in her lover's voice. "Serrato Corps has a contact here on Kander."

  "It would explain Fairlee's kidnapping."

  Bowing her head, Charlie considered the informant that worked for Serrato Corps. "My guess is it's an Earthling." At least her gut instinct was coming to the conclusion that a human among her former people was working for Serrato Corps. "Maybe somebody from Serrato Corps slipped in." She peered up at Kal and whispered, "Or maybe one of the Earthlings in New Earth defected to Serrato Corps." Slumping against the sofa, she grumbled and folded her arms. "And we still don't know why Serrato Corps was after the darakar." As the silence drew on, she looked at Kal, who masked her features but had to be processing everything. Charlie had no idea what Kal was thinking, as she hadn't quite learned how to read the ruler.

  Charlie tried to ignore the nagging sensation in her gut, knowing the situation wasn't hers to handle; yet she kept getting sucked into it. She rubbed her brow and stared into the flames jumping and falling in the fireplace. "I also got a bounty on my head," she whispered, closing her eyes when a steady growl grew louder. "Victor got my contact information somehow. We talked for a minute. He wants me to return Starr to Serrato Corps. I'm sure you can guess what I told him."

  Kal grunted, then fisted a hand in her lap, her knuckles going white.

  "The Grand Marshal is sending down a kill order and bounty for me." Charlie huffed and stood up, needing to stretch her tense body. "Not that it hasn't happened to me before." She leaned against the wall, near the fireplace, and looked over at Kal. "But it's never been an entire army hunting me. They'll probably broadcast the bounty across the entire galaxy." If that happened, then no place in the Milky Way would be safer for her. She crossed her arms and wished the fire's warmth could chase off the anxious jumps in her stomach. For a moment she searched Kal's face for a reaction or even indicators of her lover's feelings. There was very little in Kal's stony features, and it caused an ache in Charlie. Whatever walls the rut had torn down last night had returned, thanks to the blockers.

  Never thought I'd hate those blockers, Charlie realized. They had been a godsend for Starr's moody ass. Some piece of her wished she had attempted talking to Kal last night while vulnerable in her rut. But even with a lack of words, Kal's reactions and feelings last night were on the surface. The experience had been special to Charlie. She couldn't ignore what happened between them. With or without the rut, their attraction for each other was mutual and growing stronger at an increasing rate. Charlie had to at least make a push.

  Charlie peeled away from the stone hearth, paced, and wrang her hands as if they held the answers in them. "We need to talk about last night." Her heart drummed against her chest, trying to break free. "What's going on between us?" She circled back and went to Kal, then knelt and touched Kal's thigh. "I really need you to talk to me." She squeezed the muscle under her hand. "Please, Sumner. I can't read your mind." A wave of relief rushed through her when Kal covered her hand.

  "Sit," Kal said, her tone firm but patient. Once Charlie was next to her, Kal hesitated and seemed to be searching for the right words. After a low rumble, she said, "I'm changing, Charlie."

  Jarred by the echoing words, Charlie popped off the sofa and stomped over to the fireplace before spinning around. All the capped frustrations boiled over, and she snapped, "That's exactly what you told me in a dream a few days ago! We were standing out on the balcony of your room, talking about my rescue mission." She growled and said, "The dream was so real." She blew out a breath, expelling some of the fire in her. "What does that even mean?" She returned to the previous spot beside Kal. "Changing how?" She clenched her pants instead of grabbing and shaking Kal.

  "Some things are being returned to me," Kal whispered as if she were confessing secrets. At Charlie's worried look, she sighed and took a deep breath before explaining herself. "When I first became Kal, I had random sex a few times with different people."

  Charlie steadied herself, held her tongue, and allowed Kal to speak after having been so quiet.

  "I don't know why I did it the first time. Maybe something residual from my former life." Kal frowned, a rare feature on her. "But I felt nothing during sex, not even natural pleasure. I had sex two other times, sporadically. Those times were to see if it was the same outcome, and it was."

  Charlie mirrored her lover's displeasure and asked, "You felt nothing?"

  "Nothing emotional and nothing physical." Kal grinned, but bitterness tainted it. "It was no different than washing my hands, tying my boots, or sharpening my sword."

  Charlie knew it was the Spirit of Kalatas that had disconnected Kal from her body and mind. If a ruler was plagued by feelings, good or bad, then they were weak. At least, she was certain that was what Kalatas believed.

  "But the day you entered the alping room, your sweet scent overwhelmed me, and I burned all over. As Kal, it was the first time anyone made me so fucking hard."

  Charlie's cheeks were on fire, not quite ready for the confession.

  Kal leaned in closer and whispered, "I could have let you return to your ship until the kidnappers showed up for the ransom. But I had to have you, and you wanted me. I had to know if I would feel something." She ran her thumb along Charlie's jaw, and thunder rolled in her throat. "Anything."

  Now knowing the truth, Charlie whimpered and clasped Kal's hand into her own. "I know you feel what I'm feeling when we're together." She was certain of it after last night.

  "Ja." Kal lowered her head until her lips touched Charlie's neck. "I feel so much pleasure. I have desire and passion. I feel like an Alpha again. I want to claim you, protect you, and fuck you." She trailed her lips up until they were next to Charlie's ear. "I feel close to you and alive again."

  Charlie ignored the pricks behind her eyelids, not willing to cry like last night. For the first time, Kal was telling her everything, and she would hold onto it. "W-hy?" She cleared out the croak. "Why do I make you feel something when others can't?"

  "I don't know," Kal whispered. "But it is changing me." She withdrew and held Charlie's gaze again. "I recall fragments from my old life."

  "Like what?" Charlie was wired by both arousal and Kal's memories.

  "I remember my mother's face, but not her name." Kal had a slight smile, and a thrum came from deep in her chest. "I recall climbing a tall tree just outside my village."

  "What village?"

  Kal shook her head.

  Charlie frowned and asked, "Wouldn't it be the same one that Fairlee was returned to?"

  "Perhaps." Kal tilted her head and let a sigh escape her. "I did not ask what village she was from."

  Charlie suspected Kal didn't ask because it didn't matter, at least at the time. Whatever Kal's previous life had been, it was irrelevant to being a ruler now. And yet there were mixed signals such as painting a mural from a fleeting memory or telling Charlie her old name before it was taken again. Fairlee had mentioned that she could feel her twin sister for an instant, then the connection would shatter as if her sister died. "You don't want to forget," she whispered, peering up. "You don't try to remember, but you also try not to forget."

  Kal remained quiet, eyes distant and her features blank. "If I remember too much, will I become a poor ruler?" She focused on Charlie and whispered, "You believe Kalatas stole my identity. But perhaps Kalatas freed me from things better forgotten."

  Frowning and chewing on her lip, Charlie remained calm and considered Kal's perspective rather than react to it. "There are bad things that come along with the good." Sighing, she could understand Kal's point and even Kalatas's purpose behind erasing what might burden and hinder someone. Charlie had come to respect Kal's sacrifices so that she could rule the planet. Before she could say anything else, Kal left the sofa and went to the bedroom area.

  Kal ret
rieved a leather book from her own saddlebags and returned to Charlie's side. The black leather book was worn, a writing instrument peeking out in the middle, and it had a tied leather string across the front. Kal undid the strap, flipped through the tan pages, and graphite images passed before Charlie's eyes.

  "This is the tree outside the village." Kal turned the book and showed the drawing to her lover.

  Charlie stretched out her hand but refrained from touching it. The picture depicted a grand tree with thick, outstretched branches and leaves that reminded Charlie of an oak tree back on Earth. Beside the tree was a gravel road with ruts from heavy use. Far beyond the tree were rolling hills and tiny figures that were perhaps livestock for the village.

  "Did you draw this?" Charlie placed her hand against Kal's wrist, then looked up from it.

  "Ja." Kal flipped a few pages back and turned the book again.

  Charlie sucked in a breath when a new drawing jerked her back to her recent death. This time, she touched the drawing and allowed her fingertips to trace the outline of the former Pacifica shuttle. But rather than a silver fuselage, it was dented and twisted metal in the woods. After the crash landing, she had never returned to the accident location, and seeing it on paper made her breathing quicken. She had died there.

  Kal seemed to sense Charlie's distress and covered the image with her hand, breaking Charlie's spell. "When I found you, you were already dead. I didn't think about what I was doing, I reacted and started healing your body." She released a low breath and began closing the journal, allowing the pages to flip past. "I called your spirit back, and you came without hesitation." Meeting Charlie's distraught gaze, she whispered, "It was the first time I experienced fear and hope."

  Charlie covered Kal's larger hand with her own and studied their size difference. "I'm sorry." She peered up and whispered, "I'm sorry you faced that alone."